At first glance, this statement certainly makes sense to most of us! However…why is it we need to DARE to be ourselves? Is being ourselves something so dangerous? Scary and frightening? Something one doesn’t usually do? Something that requires great courage? For most of us, it is probably at least some of those things.  But why should this be so? Whatever happened so that simply being ourselves is not the conventional way of being, even though in the end this is all we are and ever can be?

We live out our lives behind a mask, acting out a role we have been playing for so long that it becomes ingrained.  We hardly notice it anymore…yet this hiding from, our repression of,  our true natures is the root of many of our issues, insecurities and fears. We keep masking our selves according to society’s acceptable facets, because this seems a lot easier that daring to be our true selves, that which we simply are!  Yet it is only by being our authentic selves that we can connect truly with others, feel at one with the universe and reach our full potential. 

This process of being our selves may be lengthy, challenging and not always comfortable… but it is certainly worth the pain! I speak from personal experience.  After having been what can only be described as a particularly wayward teen, in my early 20s I decided that I would do everything perfectly from now on, that I would be the perfect daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, student.  In short, I did not want to disappoint anyone ever again but rather aspired to meet everyone’s expectations of me – not an easy feat by anyone’s standards! However, it worked for a while – I studied hard and earned my doctorate at the world’s best universities, after which I moved into a great job.. this of course made everyone happy and so proud of me!

Although this was certainly quite pleasant, I realised that for me it was clearly not sufficient in the long term. So, with the help of Charles and his Unitive approach I have now moved back, at least a bit closer to my real self – that which I truly am.

After all, I’m miles better at being that than anyone else.

Dr Ann Katrin Schlag  Unitive™ coaching team 

The Unitive coaching and course team held one of our regular meetings last night. We were having a discussion about the new 2-day format for our Unitive accreditation workshops. Somebody asked a question. Lively debate ensued. The critical thing was understanding what lay behind the question. An anxiety, a concern? We’re better off dealing with honestly expressed issues, than trying to answer questions.

In coaching, we aim to turn our questions into statements that authentically represent how we feel. As soon as you ask a client a question, you’re in danger of masking an ego-agenda and confusing the reality of what’s going on in the room.

Try it. Each time you’re tempted to ask a question, take a moment to understand the underlying anxiety and concern you have, and make a statement. Instead of displacing the issue, express it as it feels to you.

So instead of asking ‘What’s in a question?’ try saying ‘I’m concerned that by asking questions you’re trying to avoid saying what you really feel.’

Not such a catchy title for a blog post, I’ll admit, but the truth all the same.

Jeremy Rix  Unitive™ coaching team

It’s a dank autumnal evening, and I’m walking home after a coaching session with Charles. “Everything is going to be alright” says the neon sign blinking through the mist which drifts over the Thames. These comforting words are incongruously affixed to the top of Tate Britain. But are they really comforting? And if they are, what does it say about us?

My point is that the words would be much more powerful if they said “everything IS alright.” We have this obsession about living in the future; we derive comfort from the fact that something will be better tomorrow, but yet tomorrow never comes.

If we live in expectation of tomorrow we will set up that pattern, that habit and so will be ever looking forward and never experience the moment. We will never actually live in the here and now – will never actually live in anything other than a fantasy of our perceptions and aspirations that never actually come true for us. For even if they do, because we are so future focussed we don’t even notce.

Now is alright. Now is always alright. The now is all there is – the now is absolute truth and the only real truth. The only reality.

Our ego, our make-believe neurotic self, will have us convinced that we are creating an eternal life, an everlasting life, by building for tomorrow. Yet looking underneath this, we find the reality: that all we really need, we already have

I have everything I need for now. A breath is freely available to me at any moment and it can be as deep as I am able to draw. There is no limit on the abundance of the air about me – I am overwhelmed by abundance in any moment; there is always more breath available than I will ever be able to draw. 

Everything IS alright now.

 Enjoy it.

Andy Turnbull